the author, on crack
by idontcareaboutmyname
Summary: every chapter will be crackalicious...
1. Neko Ciel man

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN BLACK BUTLER BUT I OWN THIS COOKIE! *holds up a cookie* oops *drops cookie*Ciel: ? hmm... *eats and feels weird so he goes in and takes a nap* Me: THAT WAS MY ONLY COOKIE YOU BAST- Sebastian:GET TO THE STORY LUCIFER...SATAN! me: FINE! *Uses writers power* Ciel/Sebastian: oh sweet mother of Claude...**

Ciel woke up from his cute wittle kitty nap time "ugh...why do i feel so different?" he scratched his head and he felt something there "?! what!?" he looked in the mirror and he ran back to his bed and covered himself in his blanket "oh no..." Sebastian walked in "Bocchan, why are you hiding in the blankets?" he took off the blanket "No Sebastian don-" "b-bocchan? y-you're so cute!" Sebastian hugged Ciel "S-Sebastian. a-ah" Sebby let go by a bit "sorry, but how did this even happen =^.^=?" "i don't know..." Ciel blushed, and Sebastian found this incredible adorable "oh my god..." "c-can you just change me now?"  
>Ciel became a tomato...figuratively! "why would you get dressed to undress?" "W-What?" Sebastian smirked "I love you, my lord." Ciel smiled slightly "i love you too." his smile got bigger when he realized he can take advantage of- Ciel was naked before he realized it. Sebby was kissing his neck.<strong>uyiyyi<strong> LEMON LEMON HAPPY SKIP TIME CUZ I'M LAZY! :DDDDD! just make up what you want to happen XD **giggugu**

**"**SEBASTIAN! GET BACK OVER HERE AND UNTIE ME!" "but you look so cute~" BLUUUSSSHHHH! "don't say those kind of things..." Sebastian licks Ciels neck "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Ciel and Sebastian looked at the door. "ELIZABETH? when did you get here? how did you get in?!" "THE OTHER SERVANTS LET ME IN!" the servants walked in "WTH?! SO CUTTTEEE!" all the servants were squeeing "ANSWER ME! SEBASTIAN STOP TOUCHING HIM :(" "XD why?" "g-guys don't fight?" "I WILL KILL YOU!" Grell came by and noticed that Sebastian was naked..._with Ciel_. "WTH?! OMFG SEBAS-CHAN!" "CAN WE NOT HAVE SEX IN PEACE?!"

end of crack chapter :333


	2. CANDY BASS-CHAN!

**i don't own kuroshitsuji but i do own *looks down and sighs happily* this piece of cake- *cake falls on Sebby and he tastes some* YOU CAN'T EVEN TASTE HUMAN FOOD! Ciel: HA! me: note to self, make Ciel a girl in a later chapter Ciel: WHA- Me: staaaart stoooory!**

Sebastian: *tucks neko Ciel into bed*

Ciel: did you find out how to reverse the curse?

Sebastroll: not yet princess.

Ciel:...!

Sebby: trololololol *leaves and sleeps*

THE NEST DAAAAAY!

Sebby: *wakes up and can't move* what the-! KITTY?!

Kitty: is this a chocolate bar? yummy!

Sebby: *sweatdrop*

Kitty: sweat? wheres Sebby?!

Sebby: oh shi- *Ciel comes in*

Ciel: *sees Sebby and laughs uncontrollably* S-Sebastian?

Sebby: bocchan...what are you-

Ciel: *bites Sebby* you taste good~

Sebby: AGH! wtf bocchan?!

Ciel: *licks Sebby everywhere* mm. delicious...

Sebby: nngh... please don't make this fanfic a lemon... *moan*

**CHOCOLATE/NEKOPERSON YAOI!**

Sebby: *blush* B-Bocchan...

Ciel: *smiles*

-i did it! second chapter! (they're normal at the ANs at the end of the chapters)

Ciel: *licks Sebbys cheek* i love you~

Sebby: *blush* MS. NAME! STOP TAKING PICTURES!

Name: nope...

(i'm name XD)


	3. Jelly Grell?

Disclaimer: *puts a potion on a marshmallow* HAHAHA! I don't own Kuroshitsuji or I would have made it yaoi shot- *drops marshmallow and it lands on Grell* OH GODDAMN- Sebby: JUST START OMG! Name: heeeeeeeeeh oooookkkkk. Grell: Mmm good Name: That's it!

One day, Grell was following Sebby and Ciel while they were on a mission for the queen. They had to make England do the harlem shake.

WITH THE QUEEN...

Queen: *has glasses, a fedora, and a kfc bucket* HAH! IDIOTS CAN'T CONVINCE ANYONE TO DO SHI- *Ass turns on tv and she sees Japan doing it* DAMMIT!

Back with our chocolate butler and neko person and Jelly Grelly:

*Ciel and Sebby start making out and Grell turns into a jar of jelly, then Ciel blushed and somehow Sebby turned back*

Sebby: *licks tomato neko uke Ciels ear*

Ciel: Nngh...

Grell: NOOOOOOO!

Sebby: Grell, i'm your mother *grows boobs* FUTA!

Ciel: *shocked* WHAT?!

Grell: NNOOOOO! BUT YOU'RE SO HOT!

Sebby: HAHA JK! LOL!

Ciel: -.-...! YOUR BREASTS-

Sebby: *takes out bowling balls* The author doesn't do gender benders...

TO BE CONTINUED!

Sorry I won't do lemons for a while...

*snorts crack* NEXTCHAPTERWILLBEVERYVERYVERYVERYVERYCRACKALICIOUS!


	4. Note

I just want to reply to some reviews, then I'll continue.

Irina- I didn't write it wrong, I just wrote a crack story.

Naru- XD Ikr? I want it to happen.

Guest- How to reply?

Omg- Thanks for the review :D I don't really RP that much though... Sorry.

Rated M Because the story is lemony.

Don't worry, I'm writing the next chapter right after this is posted.


	5. Fabu Lizzy dragon? I I'm so sorry

Ciel woke up in a dark room when all of the suddeeeeenn:

?: CIERU!~

Ciel: LIZZY I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT!

Lizzy: How did you know it was me?!

Ciel: YOU'RE A PURPLE DRAGON! I DON'T KNOW THAT MANY PURPLE DRAGONS!

Lizzy came closer and whispered:

Lizzy: I'm going to rape you.

Ciel: SCREW THIS! ***Uses Miku HATsunes MAGICAL HAT TO ESCAPE THE MAJESTIC PLACE THAT IS, LIZZYS CLOSET!**

Ciel: I'm out of the closet!

Fangirl: HAH! GAY!

Ciel: I'm not gay! ***T**w**erks while wearing a fedora, boa,and frilly pink skirt with sunglasses and a black shirt, with a jean jacket thing***

Fangirl: '*Eats jelly* YEAH *Nom* RIGHT!

Ciel:... Shit... I'm screwed D:

Then Lizzy and Sebastian came out of nowhere

Seb: I FUCKED HIM FIRST!

Lizzy: I MARRIED HIM, BITCH!

Seb: YOU AIN'T EVEN CUTE!

Lizzy: GIRRRRRRL PLEASE I'M FABULOUS!

Ciel: WILL YOU BOTH JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP? JESUS CHRI-

Suddenly, JESUS APPEARED!

Jesus: You've been a naughty boy, Ciel.

Ciel: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Jesus: *Trololololol*

Seb: DAMMIT! WTH? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?!

Jesus: From the land of fuck you I'm everywhere.

Lizzy: I WANNA DUCK FOR CHRISTMAS!

Jesus: WELL BITCH YOU AIN'T GETTIN' IT!

Now wasn't that great?

Seb:... -.-

Ciel:... Naughty?

Lizzy: DUCCKKKKYYYYYY!

: Heh... Jesus Christ -_-


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